Blog Posts - Play It Forward NY

Play It Forward NY

Bully Movies

11/22/2014

There are movies that were made to promote awareness to the issue of Bullying and to visually demonstrate how much of an impact it leaves on the victim. Some notable movies that recently came out are:

1) The Bully (2013): movie was inspired by the hit song "Stop Bullying", written and sung by famed artist, Jiggy Jada (a.k.a G.I. Jayne). It tells the story of a young Muslim girl who transfers to a new school and finds herself to be the victim of endless bullying by a group of teens from her class. Through help from unexpected allies and of course hope, she finds relief as the story proves that there is always room forgiveness and that it is never too late to redeem ourselves.

2) Cyber-Bullying (2011): Starring Emily Osment and Kay Pannabaker (both of Disney Channel fame), it proves that not all friends are reliable and can in some cases, become your worst enemies. It details the harmful effects of cyber-bullying and shows how a girl nearly commits suicide from the relentless torture of online harassment. The moral of the story is do not trust everyone, and be careful who you talk to, especially in online forums.

3) Bully (2011): A documentary film detailing the stories of five individuals who experienced bullying for various reasons.

We encourage everyone to take the time to watch these movies as they painfully depict how painful and traumatizing bullying can be. Do not forget that kids and teens alike have committed suicide in the past (also as depicted in Bully) just to escape the torment of their peers. Together we can make a difference.

Strategies for Parents

11/17/2014

For Parents:
There are measures parents can seek/utilize to help alleviate their children's misery from being bullied. Listed below are some steps for parents to follow:

1) It is vital for parents to understand and take into consideration how their children may feel about being bullied. Children may not want to open up as they feel they are best able to handle the situation themselves or feel that by telling their parents, they might seem less of a person. It is the parents job to sit down with their kids and take the time to ask them how their day at school was, engage or interact with them in a slow but steady pace. Children should be provided with a comfortable, stress free, and confidential environment where they can openly and freely talk about their problems without fearing the consequences. Doing so increases the likelihood that children will openly talk with their parents about their bullying issues in a safe and secure fashion.

2) The next step for parents to take is to contact the school and meet with administrator's (i.e. Teachers, Assistant Principals, Principals) to discuss the issue and hopefully the issue can be resolved with the student doing the bullying receiving disciplinary action.

3) In the event, meeting with school administrator's doesn't resolve the issue, parents can seek to sit down with the parents of the student doing the bullying and attempt to reach an understanding where both parties stay away from each other and avoid further incidents. By the way, it is HIGHLY IMPORTANT that parents document every meeting and incident that occurs from the very beginning of a bully incident as that can come in handy in sensitive situations, especially when it is necessary to get the cops involved.

4) If all options fail and bullying occurs off of school property, parents are to immediately report the incident to the cops and file a police report. If left unchecked, incidents such as these can evolve from a mere picking on to violent incidents where people can get hurt.

5) Parents are strongly encouraged to go administrators within the NYC Department of Education to seek the necessary remedies as well as join our support group where parents can meet up and share their respective experiences on how they dealt with their individual situations and provide some necessary recommendations/advice to other parents.

Strategies for Children/Teens

11/17/2014

Before discussing ways to cope with bullying, it's imperative to take into consideration that these are just ways to reduce the negative effects of bullying. They are by no means guaranteed to end or stop bullying, but merely to help make life easier for parents and children alike!

1) Ignoring: Often enough, the bully will attempt to bully you to draw out your emotions which could be anger, sadness, or retaliation. For the the person doing the bullying, he/she thrive in that type of situation as it's considered "fun". To take that away from the bully, simply ignore that individual. The bully will naturally get upset as you are denying him/her the enjoyment he/she is looking for and will look for alternative ways to get your reaction. This is the part where the bullying will increase before ultimately leveling off. The key here is you need to remain strong and continue ignoring the individual for this to work. In some cases, this method has proven to work and spare the victim further misery while in others, was not quite successful. This will vary from one case to another.

2) Empathy: This is a method advocated strongly by Dr. Melvin Koplow and Tamer Mahmoud. This is not easy to do, but another way to handle the situation is by confronting the person doing the bullying and talking some sense to him/her. Switch roles with the bully try to have the bully imagine how it would feel like to be on the opposite end of the table. Usually, the bully will some what understand the pain of being victimized and reform his/her ways. In other instances, the bully may not even care and continue with the bullying.

3) Open Up: There are times where the bully will manage to get the best of us. We may start to become emotional, upset, depressed, isolated, angry, or in some extreme cases, suicidal. The best thing to do in this situation is to talk to family members or 1-2 of your closest friends and open up with how you feel. The worst thing you can do is to bottle up all of your emotion. That is a recipe for disaster. Opening up, helps relieve you of all the negative energy/thoughts stored up within you and prevent you from thinking unnecessary thoughts. Life is too precious to waste dwelling on the bully. Build up you inner strength and surround yourself with an inner circle that will look out for you and be there for you.

4) Hobbies/Interests: Some of us have been or are in situations where we feel completely isolated by everyone, as was the case in Tamer. Take up hobbies such as video games, music, etc. Even join local sports teams and participate in neighborhood activities. You will be surprised at how many other individuals are in the same shoes as you. Network and build up friends based on mutual interests. By doing this, you prevent yourself from feeling lonely and see everything that the world has to offer you!

These are just some of the many ways you can cope with bullying. There is no one correct way and everyone's situation is different from one another. For more information on how you can deal with bullying or if you need a specific advice for a specific situation please visit our contact page to reach out to us!

Don't just be a part of the crowd, MAKE A DIFFERENCE!

8/16/2014

More often than not, many people will witness others being bullied and not do or say something about it. Maybe they do want to go against the the standards and get victimized themselves, maybe they are friends of the person doing the bullying, or maybe they feel helpless, not knowing what to do. Whatever the reason, those who witness something wrong taking place and not doing anything about it, are no different from the bullies themselves. We live in an age where people will do whatever it takes to part of the in crowd and not associate themselves with people that are viewed as outsiders. From my own experience, when I attended Middle School (and it still prevails to this day by the way), everyone wanted to conform to the norms at the time and fit in with the "cool kids". They often did that at the expense of others. While deep down, they may disagree with the general idea, they will participate in the bullying to maintain their image or just stand-by and watch. You don't have to be a stand-by. You can come out and try to make a difference. Here's an example: in the movie Cyber-Bullying starring Emily Osment, at the end of the film, kids started standing up to the bully, letting her know it was wrong to bully others and even gave her a taste of her own medicine. This of course occurred after they had initially served as by-standers, watching everything unfold and not doing anything about it. I urge everyone not to the assume the "stand-by" role. Jump in and help out. Stand up for what you believe in and not fold into peer-pressure. It only takes one to make a difference.

Legislation Addressing Bullying

4/28/2014

It seems that many parents are not aware that New York has laws and policies addressing the issue of bullying. Now whether they are being applied or not is a completely different issue. The purpose of this blog is make everyone aware of what the state has in place.

The New York State Dignity For All Students Act
Signed into law on September 13, 2010 and taking effect on July 1, 2012; the act make it clear that the harassment and discrimination of people on school property or at a school related event on the basis on race, ethnicity, weight, national origin, religion, sex, gender, orientation, and religion, intolerable. Its main goal is the promotion of a school environment that is independent of harassment and discrimination.

Title IV of Civil Rights Act of 1964
No Federal law directly deals with the issue of bullying. But bullying is a form of harassment that can violate a person's civil rights. According to Title IV, discrimination based on sex in public schools and colleges is prohibited. The same also applies to religion. The author of this blog, Tamer Mahmoud, did have his civil rights violated when he experienced bullying due to his religion following the events of 9/11/01. In general, Title IV prohibits discrimination on all levels, across all institutions of higher learning. Title IX of Education Amendments of 1972 covers the same concept with further additions.

Title VI of Civil Rights Act of 1964
It has the same basic principle but applies to institutions who are recipients of Federal aid.

New York City DOE Parent's Bill of Rights
While not a law of sorts, according to the New York City DOE, Parent's do have a Bill of Rights. Within that Bill of Rights, it is stated that Parent's have the right to "have their child learn in a safe and supportive learning environment, free from discrimination, harassment, bullying, and bigotry", according to section 1, part E. Part F states that parents have the right to "have their child receive courtesy and respect from others and equal educational opportunities regardless of actual or perceived race, color, religion, age, creed, ethnicity, national origin, alienage, citizenship status, disability, sexual orientation, gender, or weight". If a parent perceives that his/her child is not receiving such treatment according to the Bill of Rights, then it can be a violation of such rights and the parent should seek a remedy to such violation.

Above are some examples of legislation and policies that are in place to protect against bullying. I hope that parents find this information to be useful and fall back on it whenever such issues arise.

Testimonial

4/16/2014

This is an excerpt from another e-mail we received from another parent who attended our April 9thsupport group meeting at the Richmond Town Public Library:

Hi Debra,

It was so nice meeting all of you yesterday. Your son is amazing. When I think about all he went through and how he is caring enough to try to help children with the same problems, WOW!! You both make a great team. We would love to attend another meeting. Thank you again, you guys are awesome!! Look forward to seeing you again,

Christine (Mother) of Dongan Hills

Testimonial

4/16/2014

This is an excerpt of an e-mail we received from a parent who bought there child to one of our support group meetings back in 2013:

Hi Deb,

I went to your group only once for my son who was being bullied in the 2nd grade. I just wanted to let you know he's come a long way. Thanks to the advice you and your son, Stefan, gave me to share with him. This year his best friend was being bullied and he stood up for him. The person that was bullying him now knows not to bother with him anymore and unfortunately he moved onto someone else. But for my son to see this was invaluable. So I thank you for all that you do. It's nice to know you are out there as a resource if times get tough again.

I admire the work you and your son are doing. And again so glad to have you as a resource.

Thanks again,

Rebecca G,

March 2014

Cyber Bullying

4/5/2014

Hello,

My name is Tamer Mahmoud and I writing to briefly talk about Cyber Bullying. I recent watched the movie Cyber Bullying on Netflix, starring Emily Osment and Kay Panabaker of Disney Channel fame. I will admit that even though I was bullied in my youth, technology was not sophisticated enough in my time for cyber bullying to exist. I personally never experienced it, so therefore, it is difficult for me to relate to the experience. But I managed to pick up a few lessons from the movie that I want to share with everyone, teens/children and parents alike.

1) When joining a social media website, such as Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Google+, etc. Remember that you are doing so at YOUR OWN RISK!! I say this because anything you post will be for the public to watch. It is okay to expand your social network or interact with your friends/associates online but only with those you know!! I urge everyone to make it a priority to NOT post personal or private information on these social websites if you don't want people to know. You never know, but somethings about you can be used by your peers against you.

2) If you don't know someone, don't connect with him/her. I understand these sites were meant to help expand and create networks, but unfortunately, some people out there utilize them to prey on others. There have been stories where people would create fake profiles in order to stalk someone or learn about someone else, as was the case in the movie. If it's someone you don't know or never met before, DON'T BE FRIEND THEM OR CONNECT WITH THEM! You will spare yourself a lot of trouble down the road.

3) Jumping to worst case scenario, and people start teasing you as was in the movie, do not reply back. By doing so, your accomplishing two things: 1) your feeding into there nonsense and only encourage them to continue with there assault as they now know how to get you and 2) you will engage in a never ending back-and-forth that will never end and lead to further trouble/issues that could have the potential of getting out of hand.

4) For the parents, parental oversight, is the KEY! I encourage all parents to monitor there children's activities online and shut off all profiles at the slightest hint of trouble. Your actions may potentially nip the bullying at its root and prevent your child from going through this horrible experience. Establish rules and regulations (within proper limits) of how your child could utilize social media platforms.

5) Going back to the children, if things do heat up, notify an adult be it at school, or more preferably your parent. DO NOT KEEP QUIET! Let a parent know of what goes on so they can take the proper action. Not opening up can lead to further despair; emotionally, mentally, and physically. There have been stories in the news and was almost the case in the movie, where individuals would take their own lives due to cyber bullying. This is not a statistic you want to be a part of. The moment something happens, speak up because failure to do so will create negative feelings that you do not want to have.

This is all that I could think of for now, based off of the movie. If anyone has additional thoughts, points, tips, or comments that would like to add/share, please I encourage you to do so. The only way we will grow by learning from each other!

Food Allergy Bullying: Part 2

2/2/2014

First there has been regular bullying such as picking and teasing upon others. Then with the rise of social media, came the advent of cyber bullying. Now there's food allergy bullying. Basically what it is, is kids who are allergic to certain types of foods such as peanuts and dairy products, get picked on because of that. Kids who have food allergy already have hardships, being denied some of their favorite foods such as peanut butter & jelly sandwich. Now, they have to contend with others picking on them for a health issue that is out of there own hands. According to a "study that was published in the Annals of Allergy, Asthma & Immunology, about 35% of children over the age of 5 with food allergies have experienced bullying, teasing or harassment". Some methods of bullying involve the bully threatening to use the food(s), of which the victim is allergic to, if they don't comply with certain demands, failing to understand the health risks involved of exposing the victim to food allergens. Parents and teachers can usually tell if the child is experiencing food allergy bullying by the following signs: withdrawal, anger, depression, and not wanting to go to school. These signs are also the norm for other types of bullying. We encourage parents and educators to communicate with the kids and provide them with all the support they need. We also encourage kids are experiencing food allergy bullying to attend our monthly support group meeting along with parents, to share there experiences.

Food Allergy Bullying

1/30/2014

It has recently come to our attention that individuals with food allergies experience mistreatment. We encourage those kids/teens to come to our support group. In the meantime, please visit this link to learn more about food allergy bullying:

http://www.foodallergy.org/its-not-a-joke